Thursday, March 31, 2011

NYC Subway Etiquette, stuff you should know if you ride!

It's hard to believe that some people who ride the subway everyday don't know the basic etiquette of what is and isn't appropriate to do when you're on the subway.  Obviously, there are some tourists who may get a pass, but most of the craziness I see comes from people who seem to be regular riders. 

So, in the interest of clarifying "da rules", I have put this top ten list of stuff NOT to do while you're on the subway, and which might potentially get you into a down and dirty brawl!  I tried to include rules that I think most if not all of us would agree on, though obviously many of us have personal preferences that are hard to impose on everyone.  Here's a website where you can find, or send, pictures of some pretty extreme subway stupidity:

Now, DA RULES on what NOT to do:
1) Stand fully in the doorway when the train stops.  Yes, this pisses most of us off.  At the very least turn sideways to allow people to get in and out, or better yet, take a step into the train if there is room, or out of the train to open up the doorway. 

2) Have a three-course meal on the subway.  Did you see this video?  This is what happens when a fine italian diner meets an annoyed commuter and go at it.  While certain MTA board members have recently supported a food ban, the MTA Chairman and most riders oppose it.  Eating on the subway is a matter of degree and common sense.  I think there are some basic guidelines that would go a long way to resolving the problem: (1) if it smells, don't eat it, (2) nothing that involves sauce, a plate, tupperware or utensils, (3) if it can fit in your pocket and not cause a mess, go for it. 

3) Play a radio, music on your smartphone, or play an I-pod at maximum decibal levels.  If I can tell you what song you are listening from five feet away your music is too loud.  Chances are, your music sucks and at least half the people hearing it don't want to, so turn it down!

4) Get expanding crotch disorder.  This is mostly, but not exclusively a male phenomenon.  Usually occurs when self-important and rude people put a large bag between their legs or just plain old decide that their crotch needs several feet of breathing room, thus expanding the person's legs into the seats on the left and right.  This says, screw you, I am worth three seats and you get to stand till I get where I'm going.  I saw a lady the other day who had this and she also added a foot of her trench coat into the next seat. When a passenger sat down and brushed her jacket aside, she gave her the look of death and a brawl almost broke out.

5) Be the oversized backpack guy.  This guy goes to the gym and is badass.  He wears a backpack that is overstuffed and slams it into everyone on the train, refusing to take it off and put it by his side or on the floor. Take off the bag and wake up!

6) Be the pole rider.  This means: I am too friggin lazy to hold the poll so I will just lean my whole body on it. This means nobody else gets to hold the poll, and if they do, they get ass or a dandruff covered head on their hand. 

7) Do nail clipping and misc personal hygiene chores.  No.

8) Shoving or running past people at the edge of the platform when the train is approaching.  Please, don't run behind me as the train is approaching because you want to get to the other end of the platform.  Every year or so people get intentionally shoved on the tracks by someone who isn't thinking right.  To me, you and those people look pretty much the same and it pisses me off.  Figure out where you need to be before the train comes. 

9) Slow or distracted on the stairway.  If you are on the stairs or escalator and are crawling, you should be on the right side.  The left side is for actual walking.  Under no circustances should you be in the middle of the stairs texting or talking on the phone as dozens of people get backed up behind you.   Wake up, besides, that is where people's phones very often get stolen.

10) Please comment, I'm sure I left something out!

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